One night, as I stood there staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I wondered:
“Do I really love myself?”
Nothing weird about it, I hope. But the thought just popped up into my mind.
Within a few seconds, I relived all those teenage years, where I spent most of my time wallowing and hating myself for no apparent reason.
I’ve always had low self-esteem. It may be the way I was raised. I don’t really know!
You see, where I live, we are not that big on “getting help” for keeping mentally healthy.
Anyways, somehow, I managed to live through my teenage years. Which were filled with self-doubt, loneliness, anger and all the usual things that boys go through when they hit puberty.
Made it out just fine, didn’t I?
I can’t actually be the judge of that. But I think I did okay and that I’m still doing okay.
Again, coming back to the point, I’m soon going to hit my 30s. Yeah! There are only less than two years left.
And… I don’t know if I’m mature enough for my age or that I’ll ever be.
I still struggle to appreciate the things that I had, growing up, and what I have achieved.
My achievements might not be that great in other people’s eyes. But I never really cared what anyone thinks of me.
So, I just keep on doing whatever feels right to me and keep moving forward.
Always trying to think less and act more.
But if you ask me, “Hey Ali, do you think you’re a successful person?”
I’d reply with a solid: “No!”
Now, am I happy the way I am?
Yes! Definitely, yes!
I’m thankful for all that I have received and I intend to work on being happy.
Yet, again, I always wonder: “Why do I have to keep working on staying happy?”
There must be a secret to it. A way to remain happy like a child.
As soon as I get this idea in my head. I’m thinking, “Perhaps this is the very reason I don’t want to grow up!”
Because being a child at heart allows me to remain happy.
Focusing less on what’s happening in my life or what I am doing. Instead, I choose to handle things as they come.
But is this really the answer?
Does being carefree as a child the right thing to do?
Perhaps, I’ll figure it out in time. Or I won’t. Who knows?
All in all, I like to think life is a pursuit of happiness. While in no way it’s a pursuit of success.
Because the term itself varies from person to person.
Success for one could be earning a six-figure salary. For another, it could mean having more time for themselves to pursue their passion.
Again, for someone else, the term “success” could be identified as having the means to lead a simple life—away from the public eye.
So, what do you think, reader? Does this provide you with some food for thought?
P.S.
I have no idea why I’m still using postscripts. But I am! So, please, just let me “roll with it”. Anyhow, do you think my writing style has changed too much? I think it has! Of course, it’s only natural. With time everything changes. But, please, let me know whether this is a positive change or a negative one. I’ll appreciate all your assumptions and advice!
Life and Stuff 